“Have you ever yearned, Stine?” my younger brother once asked me over the telephone. “I have and it sucks. My heart aches,” he continued earnestly. I was away at college, and he was yearning not over a girl, or a car–typical teenage boy things, right?–but over a radio show I had introduced him to. WNYC’s Radiolab was taking too long (in his mind) to produce a new show, and he was in obvious pain.
At the time, I don’t think I had ever really yearned for anything that badly. Sure, I had wanted things to happen, had been crushed by things, but yearn? No, I had never yearned.
A year and a half ago, I fell into a deep depression. Now that I am giving myself the space and time to heal, I yearn for my well-being. I yearn for a life, in which I am independent, reasonably content, and not afraid to take on challenges and risks.
I am not there yet. I am not even close. But that’s okay. Depression and anxiety disorder are treatable; people recover fully. I have a therapist, and a psychiatrist who help me make sense of, and cope with my current state. Just as important, I have amazing parents, siblings, friends, teachers who offer not only their support, but their wisdom.
“Stine yearns” is about facing fears–big, and small, rational and irrational–that come up in daily life. It’s also about the little delightful bits of life that keep me waking up every morning, and heading back out to face new fears.
Thanks for reading.